The first time I killed a man, it was in Blood Gulch.
The red team was moving in quickly, and our flag was vulnerable. I picked up my trusty rifle from the roof of our bunker, and domed the driver of the Warthog, slowing their advance. This was just weeks into the start of my campaign, late in the evening after my parents were fast asleep.
Many years later, I look back on that day with pride. While we lost many good Spartans, we won the day, and I attained the rank of level 42. It was the start of my grand career as a well-decorated gamer, a career that I still enjoy, and dread retiring from many years from now.
It's important that you know this story, and the events that followed it, because there's been one thing that has kept me driven and fueled for these many years of conquest and glory. We'll get to that later, however.
Since those early days, I've toured many war-torn and scenic places. I've seen my comrades slaughtered at the hands of my enemies, captured thousands of bases, and sold more worthless junk to vendors than I could quantify.
The longest tour of my career took place in Azeroth, a place of many unique locales, countless monsters and demons, and some of my greatest conquests. This tour took me beyond Kalimdor and the Eastern Kingdom, to the demon-infested world of Outland, further still to the icy tundras of Northrend, after which I finally returned to end my tour in the world of Azeroth after the destruction caused by Deathwing.
You'd think that after a long tour in such places, and conquests that included killing the King in Stormwind, defeating Arthas upon his frozen throne, and killing beings who were closer to gods than men, I would move on during my future tours. But alas, I had fond memories of these times, places, and people, and felt the urge to return for each new crisis, despite my disappointment upon each return. It wasn't until the World of Warcraft was made anew in this year of 2019 that I was able to find peace and accomplishment in returning to these beloved places.
I proudly have, and always will, serve at the pleasure of the Warchief. FOR THE HORDE!
While I spent many years touring the Worlds of Warcraft, I'd be remiss if I failed to mention some of the special missions set before me throughout these times, taking me far from the places I'd become accustomed to, but still full of great and exciting new things.
Throughout my career, I've been on special assignment in Tamriel numerous times, entrusted with missions that would ultimately save the inhabitants of these places, and even the Emperor himself. My first time in Tamriel was spent in the isle of Morrowind, a place with strange creatures, and of all the times I've been to Tamriel, this swampy land will always be my favorite.
I spent a handful of years helping the Blades, a group of fierce and loyal warriors, to find and protect the Emperor after the death of his father nearly destroyed the Empire. I even found the time to become the leader of all of the guilds, wielding the powers of sword, magic, and stealth with the highest skill.
The most astonishing visit to Tamriel, however, came in the ice-blasted land of Skyrim. I nearly lost my life after being charged (wrongly of course) with a crime that demanded the punishment of death. Fortunately, my career did not end that day, and led to the most incredible journey across this land that became filled with DRAGONS. This was a journey that I shall reflect upon for many years, though I know not if I shall return any time soon.
I have spent countless hours and days fighting, always honing and perfecting my craft, and the RGB lights have accompanied me on many a late night, lighting my way to victory. In recent years, my mission has been to survive, outlasting and defeating enemies as the battlefield closed in.
In Erangel, the members of my squad and I fought in countless competitions. As we learned the art of stealth, we climbed the leaderboards, and ate countless chicken dinners given to us upon our victories over the others in the arena.
We later moved on to the ever-changing world of Fortnite, always kept upon our toes by constant changes to the world and the arsenal we were allowed to battle with. We won hundred of battles, but it was only when the world was beset by an ever increasing number of those who preferred to build instead of fighting honorably, did we move on to new missions.
We spent a great deal of time in the Bayou of Louisiana, a place that had been ravaged by sickness, turning the inhabitants into grotesque mutated monsters. We fought hard for bounties, slew monsters beyond your wildest dreams, and grew rich from defeating monster and human alike.
You may be asking yourself: Why does he journey to so many far off places so frequently? That, my friends, is the life of the gamer. It's a career that will take you to wondrous places, and from time to time, be fraught with deep disappointment and anger, but it's a career that will leave you with many wondrous stories to tell, and gain you many great friends.
But alas, we have digressed. Across all of these journeys, conquests, battles, and adventures, I could never have made it without one thing that has kept me sustained, and ready for the next fight.
That thing is the special TechRaptor Dino Nuggets recipe, a delicious dish that is quick to create, and even quicker to devour.
It's important that my comrades and fellow gamers can experience this dish as I have, which is why we're releasing this special recipe for you to sustain a great career upon.
Wield this responsibility with great care and honor, gamers. Do not dishonor it.
But for now, I'm off to fight. I'm unsure where I shall be stationed next, but feel comforted in the knowledge that I will have this recipe with me.
The TechRaptor Dino Nuggets Recipe
- 1 Bag of Tyson Dino Nuggets™.
- The directions are on the bag. Follow them, and you literally can't f&$%k up.
Tips for eating:
- Dip in ketchup, and enjoy alongside a refreshing Game Fuel™.
There's no better way to game, than with a pile of Dino Nuggets™ at your side!
What do you think of our world-class recipe? Does it make your mouth water with anticipation? What games do you like to play while you enjoy a steaming pile of delicious Dino 'Nugs?