GI Joe: Wrath of Cobra Review – Running Out of Quarters

GI Joe: Wrath of Cobra keeps inching up to being a great time. It has all the retro energy and pop of a retro arcade brawler. Its pixel art and style are pure Saturday morning cartoon cheese. But it's an energy and drive that can't be sustained. It leads to an experience that, despite having some novel replay value, lacks that extra something to make it stellar.

GI Joe: Wrath of Cobra Review – Are You A Good Enough Joe To Beat Cobra High Command?

The opening of GI Joe: Wrath of Cobra is a microcosm of the game's overall presentation. The intro cutscene is animated in the style of a 1980s GI Joe cartoon and features a brand new heavy metal theme song that is pretty awesome. But as the cutscene continues, it falls into a weird nostalgic uncanny valley. It starts with VHS distortion effects and bombastic military spectacle. Then it ends with some stiff animations that are less cheesy and more cheap. As for that new intro, it gets abruptly cut off by the main menu music.

The Story Mode is a tissue-thin Greatest Hits album of the cartoon. Cobra wants to take over the world, go stop them. You play as one of four characters: Duke, Scarlet, Roadblock, or Snake Eyes.

Like most recent retro revivals, each character has unique attacks and a special super move. Duke has straightforward drop kicks and a devastating air strike. Scarlet can flip, power slide, and fire paralyzing crossbow bolts. Snake Eyes has wide-sweeping sword slashes and can summon his wolf, Timber, to help. And Roadblock has ground slams and can pull out a gatling gun.

As for the game feel, it is (sorry, not sorry) quite punchy. There's a satisfying amount of juice packed with each hit, punctuated better with just the right amount of gamepad rumble. Enemies are launched with strong hits and ping around the screen like ping-pong balls. Mini-bosses crumple and explode like robotic confetti.

If you can imagine a licensed button-basher developed for the Sega Genesis, GI Joe: Wrath of Cobra is what it would have looked like.

GI Joe: Wrath of Cobra Review – Porkchop Knuckle Sandwiches

There are twelve levels in GI Joe: Wrath of Cobra's story mode. And for roughly half of those levels, I was having a good time. There was a steady stream of health items and weapon pick-ups: assault rifles, shotguns, and grenade launchers. Plus, the game's soundtrack is catchy thanks to Sonic Mania composer Tee Lopes.

Enemy encounters escalated naturally, introducing at least one new enemy type at each level. Each fight against Cobra High Command felt thematic and challenging. A personal highlight is that Tomax and Xamot share the same health bar.

But that forward momentum goes from a brisk sprint to a laborious hike. After it reaches a natural climax in a fight with Cobra Commander, the game goes for about four more levels. Each one feels like the kind of artificial difficulty designed to drain quarters in an arcade. Palette swapped enemies. Annoying, hard-hitting overlapping attacks. Uninspired “dark” versions of the Joes as boss fights. They're all here, and it all feels like killing time.

As these later levels drag on, they draw attention to the small but crucial ways GI Joe: Wrath of Cobra treads water. Despite each level referencing memorable storylines from GI Joe, they're mostly set dressing; nostalgic wallpaper lining interchangeable corridors full of mooks. Fighting a bunch of Cobra Trubble Bubbles and Viper tanks happens the same way in Springfield as it does on Cobra's moon base.  

While the combat is satisfyingly simple, the overall presentation doesn't escalate or dramatically change. No vehicle or turret sections. No ticking clock escape sequences. No vertical elevator sections. It's just corridor fistfights end to end.

These criticisms may seem unfair. After all, there's not much you can do with a sidescrolling beat 'em up. Their simplicity is part of their charm. But with its appeals to nostalgia and modern spins on old gameplay, GI Joe: Wrath of Cobra compares unfavorably to another retro love letter: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredder's Revenge.

The one silver lining to the game is it has unlockable extras. As you play, you will pick up floppy discs, which can be used in the game's shop to unlock new modes. These include game modifiers like a one-hit mode, an arcade mode, and a boss rush mode. You can even unlock two more playable Joes: Ripcord and Gung Ho.

But unlocking everything will take a while. I have played through the entire Story Mode twice and got enough floppy discs to buy two things. It's a grind, but the additional features do add some replay value to the whole experience.

GI Joe: Wrath of Cobra Review – Final Thoughts

The developers of GI Joe: Wrath of Cobra have stated they have plans to release free updates for the game after launch. Given how much the game loses its luster in the second half, I hope they can refine the game into something great.

But as it stands right now, it's a competent arcade throwback that runs out of steam, falls back on old ideas, and overstays its welcome. If you're in the mood for some classic GI Joe action, there are worse ways to spend an afternoon.

GI Joe: Wrath of Cobra was reviewed on PC with a copy provided by the developer over the course of six hours of gameplay - all screenshots were taken during the process of review