What Are These Cyberpunk 2077 Ads Even Selling?

cyberpunk 2077 ads

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What Are These Cyberpunk 2077 Ads Even Selling?

January 6, 2021

By: Austin Suther

View more Games Info
Developer
CD Projekt Red
Publisher
CD Projekt Red
Release Date
December 10, 2020
Genre
RPG
Purchase (Some links may be affiliated)
 
 

Enter the world of Cyberpunk 2077. It's one full of scum and villainy, most of which is perpetuated and exacerbated by the corporations that dominate Night City. Perhaps the most reprehensible thing of all is the ads pasted on every street corner. Everywhere you look, there's an ad.

To give credit where credit is due, these ads sure do catch your attention. Naked women, blood and gore—that is, apparently, what the people of Night City want. Most of the time, though, you're left scratching your head. Just what are these insane displays of capitalism actually selling, anyway? Well, we can try to take a few guesses.

Please note, some images below may be considered NSFW.

Cyberpunk 2077 real water
Pete Davidson got a new gig as a Real Water model.

Real Water

It's water. There shouldn't be anything suspicious about a brand called Real Water. Except, when you look at this ad, it really does raise some questions. The word "Real" has a registered trademark on it. This doesn't sit right—it's as if "Real" is just some marketing term. We know that the world of Cyberpunk 2077 has polluted, toxic water. How is this more trustworthy, though?

 
 

Even more puzzling is the "Only 99E$/Gallon" underneath the company name. This seems pretty reasonable if Real Water is used strictly for consumption and not bathing and the like. But you have to contact a "dealer" to get this water. Dealer is a dubious term. Ever heard of a water dealer? It's a liquid necessary for life, not drugs for goodness sake.

Cyberpunk 2077 Cyberpunk
Yeesh, no thanks.

Slaughterhouse

If Slaughterhouse is an advertisement for food, this billboard isn't doing it any favors. It looks more like an ad for a movie about cannibals than it does food. Why is there blood and gore around this man's mouth? Frankly, why would anyone buy a food product named "Slaughterhouse" to begin with?

We are trying to figure out what these ads are selling here, so we can at least assume that Slaughterhouse sells food products. It appears to come in a packet of some sort that you just heat. Once it's heated, you can eat it out of the bag over your sink like some sort of rat. That's my wild guess, at any rate. I can honestly say I hope that Slaughterhouse isn't food and turns out to be some smutty Braindance.

cyberpunk 2077 ad
Might as well be worm food.

Eezy Beef

Here's the bright side of Eezy Beef: we can tell what it's selling. It's a beef supplement. We have this type of thing in 2021, like the Impossible Burger. Synthetic meat is undeniably the way of the future. The marketing for such a product is usually one that touts the benefits and eco-friendly nature of such a product. Why, then, am I so confused by Eezy Beef?

A synthetic meat product should not wriggle in your mouth; simply put, if real meat doesn't wriggle in your mouth, the synthetic variant shouldn't as well. The way this ad is framed is not doing Eezy Beef any services, and I certainly won't be eating it out of some jar like this ad shows.

cyberpunk 2077
Censored for obvious reasons.

Midnight Lady Accessories

It's safe to say that food in the future doesn't look all that great. More in line with Cyberpunk 2077's spirit, there's a fair share of lewd, and often ostentatious, displays and advertisements. The most outrageous of all is, no doubt, these Midnight Lady Accessories. This image, which is censored for obvious reasons, shows a woman with four breasts.

 

The same company sells other "attachments," or even more appropriate, "implants," which raise many more questions. The company sells breasts with tasers, and even breasts with mouths on them. I cannot fathom how such a thing would work or who in their right mind would purchase such a thing. While we do know what Midnight Lady sells, I'm still left with the why.

Foreign Body Cyberpunk 2077
Excuse the screenshot frames; it's nigh impossible to go back and find the exact ad you're looking for in Night City when you need it.

Foreign Body

Braindances are something you'll come to know when playing Cyberpunk 2077, though partaking in one is few and far between. You will, however, see ads for such a product all over Night City. There's the 3 Mouths 1 Desire braindance, which shows a woman with three mouths. It's not hard to imagine where that one leads. There's Passion, which shows an image of what looks a crucified Jesus. Foreign Body is an enigma among the rest, though.

As you can see, Foreign Body is a braindance, as it is labeled. The experience it's selling is another story. This looks painful, and the caution sticker plastered on the ad is certainly a red flag. Do you get to feel the experience of someone being attacked by their own body? It's horrifying, and likely some sort of snuff film that only the most hardcore BD enthusiasts want. I'm just not sure why anyone would want to experience that.


What Cyberpunk 2077 ads left you wondering what the heck was going on? Let us know in the comments below!

 
austin
Staff Writer

I love to write, and I love to game. So, I've combined those two hobbies into one! Some of my favorite games include Fire Emblem, Halo, The Elder Scrolls, and World of Warcraft. Sometimes I like to read the occasional fantasy novel, too!

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