You're itching to get your teeth into Young Horses' delicious new adventure Bugsnax, but you haven't received that confirmation email about your PlayStation 5's shipping date and you're starting to sweat. Until you can get your Grumpin' hands on this delightful adventure, join me for a look at the best and the worst of these wonderful half-bug half-snack critters, ranked by how easy it would be to eat them in real life. Remember that consuming a Bugsnak transforms your real body parts into those snacks, so we'll be taking that into account as well.
Worst Busnax: Scorpenyo
For Grump's sake, do NOT shove this one down your gullet. A jalapeno can already sting if you drop one down straight into your throat, but with the Scorpenyo, you are essentially coating a live scorpion's tail with jalapeno juice. That is gonna hurt on the way down. Sure, you're thinking it'd be cool if you could grow a scorpion tale, but then you'd rip right through those fresh new Levi's you secretly ordered online from GAP.
Best Bugsnax: Sprinklepede
I'm takin' a look at this bad boy and my sweet tooth is just itching to get in there. What you have here is a classic strawberry-frosted donut with rainbow sprinkles, found in any self-respecting donut store across this great country of ours. I would probably munch into the leg parts first for a path of least resistance, but this one will go down fairly smooth.
Worst Bugsnax: Sodie D
I shouldn't have to explain to you why it would be difficult and painful to fit an entire soda can with four straws coming out of it into your mouth. This is an F tier in terms of snackability. Side note, do not feed it Mentos, your day will be ruined.
Best Bugsnax: Snaquiri
This is Grumpin' easy mode right here. Slurp this bad boy down like a smoothie on a hot day at the beach and just unwind. I think it would be cute to have these little umbrellas for fingers, too. Do not look it in the eye, that's how it tricks you into thinking it can feel. Look at me, Snaquiri! YOU. ARE. A. SNACK!
Worst Bugsnax: Pineantula
The last time I ate an entire pineapple at once I was in the hospital for a week and then I DIED. Listen, the entire fruit is just spikes. It's spikes all the way down. I know it's juicy in there, but it is going to tear your throat up on the way down. Resist the temptation. By now you may be asking, "Is this game just Pokemon except you eat the Pokemon?", and the answer to that is a resounding yes.
Best Bugsnax: Weenyworm
You ever watched one of those hot-dog-eating contests? Do not, they're disgusting. But the winners are slurping down whole hot dogs in one go by softening them with water. I think that's probably the way to go here—you could down a whole Weenyworm in one bite, maybe slide some ketchup or mustard on it. By the way, the world record for hot dogs eaten in 10 minutes is Joey Chestnut with 73, consuming 12,000 calories. Exciting.
Worst Bugsnax: Mama Mewon
Maybe it's my own personal hangups or whatever, but I'm reluctant to attempt to eat a whole uncut watermelon. Maybe some will call me a coward, but others will say I am brave for standing in my truth. Now if you give me a knife and a buddy holds down the struggling melon mother, I'll tear through this in one afternoon picnic. I am starting to comprehend just how horrifying the premise of Bugsnax truly is.
Best Bugsnax: Kwookie
Maybe I'm just hungry, but I'm looking at this Kwookie and I'm thinking of dunking it in a big glass of 2% milk after a long drive home. I frequently have eaten whole Oreos in one bite, so I think this is totally doable. The Kwookie could double as a cute button nose for someone, I suppose.
Worst Bugsnax: Pinkle
I think we've run into another situation in which I cannot stuff a whole aluminum can into my mouth. I think you could do well biting off the pickle legs, and that might also help you grow some pickle legs, but the main body is a no-go. I am curious if there's more pickle in there or if it's just a void into the dark heart of man.
Best Bugsnax: Scoopy Banoopy
I am really honing in on these sugary friends here, but look at this. Vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry ice cream with whipped cream, bananas, and some cherries on top. I would devour this guy instantly and not even think of the child Banoopies I was orphaning in the process. Wait, is Bugsnax a story of corporate consumption's destruction of individual ethics?
Thanks for joining me on this buggy, snacky roundup! Check out our review of Bugsnax and tell us which critters you're looking forward to snacking on!
Bugsnax is available now on PlayStation 4, PlayStation 5 and PC via the Epic Games Store.