Epic didn’t offer us enough money to host the Kekkies on their store, so we’re forced to have them on TechRaptor again. We refused Steam as well of course—nobody wants to be attached to something sadly withering away. All Randy Pitchford wanted to do was saw someone in half, so we had to get rid of him too. We’re still unsure if he was talking about a magic trick or not. So, I tell you all this to set you up for the disappointment that will follow. All of our ideas fell through, as you can see, so it’s not really our fault.
The Most Appropriate Franchise Title Award – Fallout
By Shaun Joy
After the disaster that was Fallout 76, Bethesda had a major fallout with its own community. There was more groaning at Bethesda’s latest entry than the groans that most assuredly occurred at the previous sentence. But Bethesda took it to the next level this year. Sure, previous years people complained about the tech behind their games and their buggy nature, but they went all out to make sure people would absolutely hate this release, Making an online game that has to adapt a system where all time paused to shoot the enemy. A game about a world of interesting people without the whole interesting people part. Bethesda went so far to take the experience outside the game, by offering canvas bags that actually weren’t made of canvas, and Nuka Dark Rum that misled consumers into thinking it was going to be a glass bottle. A lot of effort went into earning the award for most approriate franchise title this year, and Bethesda knocked it out of the park.
The Toast Sandwich Award (for most bland, unanticipated upcoming game) – Borderlands 3
By Anson Chan
The gaming industry tends to follow trends, but it’s getting a bit ridiculous at this point. Gearbox’s announcement of Borderlands 3 unveiled what is likely going to be one of the flattest games that one has ever seen in recent memory. Another looter shooter? The market is already saturated with all these well received looter shooters like Destiny, Destiny 2, and PUBG. Gearbox isn’t fooling anyone with their absurd trailer of a game that randomly has a 3 at the end of it for no reason. Everyone knows that game developers can’t count to 3 anyways.
Plus, no one has time for a looter shooter that has ONE BILLION GUNS, interesting characters that actually talk and progress the story, and skill trees that allow for varied builds. That’s far too stimulating. We want super straightforward loot that never drops to begin with, bullet sponge enemies, and completely mute protagonists that have just the right amount of charisma to make cardboard seem like the life of the party. Where’s the battle royale spinoff of the super successful Battleborn? Now that would be a game that people would be interested in.
The Esports Animal of the Year – GOAT
By Shaun Joy
Never has one division been so dominated by an animal than the rise of the GOATS playstyle in the Overwatch League. Since the discovery of a pro team during the contenders series, one of the oldest domestic series of animal ended up dominating the Overwatch OWL scene in much of Season 1, and even into the start of Season 2, despite being among Dragons, Titans, and Gladiators. The animal known for fur and milk production may not look it, but is a fierce competitor forcing all of his body parts to work in conjunction with one another, soaking up damage while healing himself repeatedly, finally overwhelming the opponent over time thanks to timely defense and armor. Fun fact: goats have armor, and you probably didn’t know this. Many find the goat’s tactics boring and have repeatedly asked for more checks to be put into play so that he doesn’t dominate match after match, but unless the league is turned on its head, it’ll be more domination by our furry friend in 2019.
The Tribal Corporate Identity Gamer Award – The Dregs of Every Gaming Comment Section
By Richard Costa
Imagine being able to consider an idea without accepting or rejecting it. Being able to distinguish opinion from fact, and exercising some minor independence of thought. Imagine, if you will, devoting your life to something other than attacking or defending corporations. Who among us could possibly live without grandstanding with the warm glow of moral superiority as we wag our tongues in the hopes of scooping up some crumbs of social credit? From the lavish tables of millionaires and billionaires, no less. What greater glory is there in this latest stage of capitalism, than reducing the endless potential of the most complex and wonderful medium ever known to the gibbering and whooping of our most primitive and apish tribalism? After all, how can a man die better than facing fearful odds, for the internet karma of his peers and the fluctuating market shares of his corporate tribe?
The Most Appropriate Stand-Alone Title Award – We Happy Few
By Shaun Joy
I mean, only 16% of critics recommend the game based on Open Critic. That’s a happy few compared to the rest of the critics who were ultimately let down by We Happy Few’s buggy nature, repetitive gameplay, and storyline that seemingly failed to deliver what the trailers had promised. If this isn’t truth in advertising just based on the game’s name alone, I don’t know what is.
The Just Watch This Award – Really, Just Watch It
No, you are not having framerate issues. That’s how it went out live.
The Leeroy Jenkins Award (for charging ahead despite every element around you telling you that’s a bad idea) – Square Enix for The Quiet Man
By Shaun Joy
In no universe would any person look at The Quiet Man and say it was ready to face the scrutiny of the mainstream public, let alone a subset of that public. With horribly broken combat that glitched out repeatedly, graphics that looked like they belonged in the PS3 era at the time, and a story that somehow got worse after audio was released for it, everything about this game said to shelve it and consider it a lost cause. And yet, Square Enix had the courage to present the game despite that, pushing it out and letting everyone enjoy the absolute critical slaughter that occurred after its release. This time, however, you didn’t even have chicken to enjoy after the damage had been done. That takes some guts. So kudos, Square Enix, kudos.