This week we’re reminded once again that videogames and tech can’t go at least seven days without fumbling its way into the mainstream media headlines. I’ve got your weekly dose of Pokemon GO nightmares, Apple’s need to save us from our digital guns, No Man’s Sky rustles some jimmies, and a footballer abandons his shot at becoming a real FIFA champion to play the realest of sports. Before reading I suggest you pop on some headphones, open this song in another, and get ready for another disastrous weekly wrap up.
The Headlines That Make Us Think
I’m going to be sad when Pokemon GO dies out in two weeks and we stop hearing about all of these world changing events. So in honor of the good things our lord and savior Pikachu has brought the world, I’m going to go over some highlights from the last month.
Pokemon GO has given us a new way to burn calories and make like-minded friends, sun burns, robberies, stabbings, a reason to buy a portable charger, corpse discoveries, auto wrecks, shootings, good sportsmanship, and true investigative journalism.
Of course they didn’t, no mere mortal man can wear wrap around shades and survive in public. Glasses like this are only reserved for the few of us who can handle the responsibility that comes with looking as cool as the Kool-Aid man.
Its kinda ironic that they would write that. Either way spoilers suck and are not cool, unless you were me last December and wanted to talk to a girl about Star Wars a day early because you were bored on a plane.
I just wanna give a shout out to Apple for fucking up my emoji game, because if you know me in the real world (let’s hope you don’t) my most used emojis are 💁 and 🔫 Thanks Apple!
The man responsible for the greatest kick that gave a point to the shittiest team on earth is now leaving my favorite non autosport to play videogames all day. Some people lead the best lives.
The Man Behind the Pokemon Crime Wave Prepare for trouble …
This Fertility App Is a Jackpot for Stalkers Back in my day we used Myspace.
Mysterious Smiley Face Appears in Hawaiian Volcano During Eruption Whose evil lair was that?
Teen Crashes Car Into School While Playing ‘Pokemon Go’ There is a hell—believe me I’ve seen it.
Abbotsford woman drops phone out of plane — it lands in Stanley Park unscathed I, too, have fallen over in this park after a few too many.
Our bad games expert Samuel recommended that I play this fine use of my limited time left on this earth, so naturally I complied. Unfortunately I couldn’t get it to actually work, so instead of reviewing the contents of the game I’ll leave you with this lighthearted but tragic story of a boy who discovered that cosplay wasn’t meant for him. Start listening at 7:50.
Internet Killed the Video Star
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWROBiX1eSc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-DFPXGQ7JA https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J95GYXeFRaQ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chYkhlCon6E
Something We Can All Agree On
https://twitter.com/AndyRuther/status/760252777796808704 https://twitter.com/HarryDenholm/status/761669788380921856 https://twitter.com/ZhugeEX/status/761270545518301185 https://twitter.com/OverwatchTXT/status/761295689728995328
By this time next week we’ll all be playing No Man’s Sky until the end of humanity, or severely disappointed. Either way we’re one step closer to the summer ending and the best season of them all beginning. Remember, do something cool for someone now so you can feel superior to them in the future. Until next time ♥