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Ubisoft’s latest hipster simulator, Watch Dogs 2, has recently landed in some controversy after it was discovered that one of the female NPC models in the game featured some rather explicit body parts in an explicit way (hint: it’s the genitals). Although the ESRB does warn potential customers (who, one can assume, are mature individuals) that there is nudity and sexual themes in Watch Dogs 2, Ubisoft has since stated that they will update the “explicit” NPC model to be more consistent with the other NPC models found in the game (presumably by giving them really skinny jeans). Naturally, this totally put the controversy at rest and definitely didn’t draw more attention to it than necessary, but just in case it didn’t, Ubisoft has just announced that Watch Dogs 2 will be getting a “free, mandatory DLC pack that celebrates the modesty of the human body.”

The contents of the aptly named Amish Prude DLC pack include over two articles of “mandatory” clothing for all of Watch Dog 2’s playable and nonplayable characters, ranging from “exciting wool dresses that cover the ankles” to “slacks that leave everything to the imagination.”

Ubisoft Montreal’s CPC, or Chief Pearl Clutcher, Helen Lovejoy, stated that this DLC pack was designed with both the audience, and children, in mind. “We here at Ubisoft want to show that we are totally down with the millennials, and what better way to do so than by showing that we too freak out whenever a perfectly normal part of the human body is shown in a non-sexual manner, much like their parents, ‘The Man,’ and pretty much every authority figure?” said Lovejoy. “But of course, someone has to think of the children, and we simply cannot risk a child playing a game that is clearly intended for older audiences to discover something that can be easily found on the Internet, in Sex-Ed or Anatomy class, or even just by looking down.”

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Concept art of Watch Dogs 2’s new male, left, and female, right, clothing options

When it was pointed out that such a seemingly knee-jerk reaction seems rather counter productive when a number of other Ubisoft titles feature things like decapitation (For Honor), sexual innuendo (South Park), and violence (pretty much every other Ubisoft game), which are presumably more harmful to a developing child’s mind, Mrs. Lovejoy stated “It’s not our job to police what kind of content is and isn’t appropriate for children; that is the parent’s responsibility.”

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Anson Chan

Staff Writer

You ever wonder why we're here? It's one of life's greatest mysteries, isn't it? Good thing games exist so that we don't have to think about it. Or at least I don't have to think about it. Instead, I'll just play Halo or something.