Not to be outdone by Google’s recent Stadia announcement, rapper and incorrigible entrepreneur Soulja Boy announced today that he will be launching his own state of the art games streaming service called Streamya Boy.

The announcement panel was held at a San Francisco Best Western located a few blocks from the former Games Developers Conference venue. There, Mr. Boy took to the stage to announce that the Streamya Boy was the next generation of gaming.

Consoles are a thing of the past. SouljaGames? Nah. It’s all streaming now. Video streaming, picture streaming, video streaming. It’s time for game streaming to evolve too, and that’s what the Streamya Boy is all about. Who’s “ya boy” you might ask? Every game’s ya boy, that’s who. Switch, Xbox, PlayStation, Sega, Nintendo, it’s all up there, it’s all up in the cloud.

To demonstrate the new technology, Mr. Boy brought a Toshiba laptop on stage, connected to the hotel’s wi-fi, and navigated his web browser to Emuparadise. There, he downloaded Superman 64  and proceeded to play the game onstage for the next several minutes while “Crank That” played loudly from his phone’s speaker. Reporters present also noted that Mr. Boy clicked on several of the .exe files included with the download.

souljagameconsole

The above graphic was included in the slideshow presentation for unknown reasons.

When asked by TechRaptor what, precisely, the Streamya Boy actually does, Mr. Boy responded:

You stream this on yo’ local PC
Yes, you stream it everyday
Nintendo’s gettin’ mad ’cause
Streamya Boy will let you play

When asked to elaborate on his statements and clarify what sort of connection speeds would be required to fully utilize the Streamya Boy, Soulja Boy responded, “In this world you either crank that soulja boy or it cranks you.”

The conference concluded with an assistant passing around a wicker donation basket to help the rapper pay for the additional cost of using the hotel wi-fi.

KekRaptor is our semi-regular satire series. You can read more of them here.


Jack Waibel

Jack Waibel is a husband, dungeon master, and lifelong gamer. He's tapped more land cards than modern science can measure and looks forward to the day he turns 10 and can begin his Pokemon journey.



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