KekRaptor has obtained exclusive information from a former director of intelligence of Rose Town relating to the 57th reign of Princess Toadstool, aka Princess Peach. Before we begin, however, I have to make it clear that these reports are unverified and have not been vetted through our normal means. We here at KekRaptor believe that pushing an agenda comes over any journalistic integrity that we may have, despite the fact that we call ourselves journalists. Oh, wait, did I say that out loud? I meant that we did it so that you can decide based on the report’s information and come to your own conclusion based on these reports from our informant code named “Geno.” But basically, KekRaptor has evidence via a provided dossier from code name “Geno” that Princess Toadstool has significant ties to the Koopa Kingdom, to the point where her ability to lead the Mushroom Kingdom is compromised. The once proud nation having ties to the same leader, King Koopa (aka Bowser), that had their residents turned into blocks is a catastrophic blow to the security of the Mushroom Kingdom.
The dossier has a collection of secret memos over the last several months. While yes, they look like they were just thrown together in a regular OpenOffice document with no watermarks/seals or anything official in terms of verification, that obviously means that the reports are even more likely to be real, because that’s what the Koopa and Mushroom Kingdom would want you to think. In the interest of disclosure, it seems the document was prepared by political opponents of Princess Peach, who is understood to be a former Pinata Village intelligence agent. And we do recognize that there is some information that can turn out to be false within the document due to our lack of fact checking, but hey, if you publish it on the Internet, it has to be true right?
For the sake of transparency, KekRaptor is publishing the entire dossier so that the residents of the Mushroom Kingdom can make up their own mind of whether or not their leader is fit to rule their country, as the document in question has circulated around at the highest levels of government within the kingdom, even reaching Chancellor Toadsworth himself. The people should know what their leaders are possibly ignoring. Rather then retread the information in a summary form, we ask that you look at the document itself directly and make your own conclusions. The documents have circulated for months and have acquired a legendary status among journalists, lawmakers, and intelligence officials who have seen them. A Mushroom Kingdom spokesman tweeted Tuesday that a former Senate leader had seen the documents before writing a public letter to the Mario Brothers about the issue. In addition, high ranking member of the Senate Wario had provided a full copy of the memos to the Mario Brothers, mostly for the “lulz.”
The Peach administration team did not immediately respond to KekRaptor’s request for comment. However, the princess’ attorney, Diddy Kong, told us that the allegations were false. “It’s so ridiculous on so many levels,” he said, while eating a banana. “Clearly, the person who created this did so from their imagination or did so hoping that the liberal media would run this fake story for whatever rationale they might have.”
Meanwhile, the princess herself decided to take a more direct approach into responding to the article:
We hope that this puts into context the further actions of the kingdom in the upcoming months and hopefully sheds some light onto some of the policies that will be put into place by this regime.
Despite our attempts to verify information, it seems that we missed several key elements within the report that could be proven false. One of the anonymous sources in question, nicknamed Geno, was thought to be a reliable source. However, further investigations by MNN (the Mario News Network) as well as other government officials have pointed out that the existence of the character of Geno has been a urban legend for some time now and has been dismissed by several news organizations. When talking to colleagues from MNN news, they were quoted as saying “Bro, Nintendo themselves don’t acknowledge the existence of Geno. How could you believe that a source naming themselves that would be reliable whatsoever?”
In addition, the Toadette in question has provided information with her passport indicating that she’s never visited the Koopa Kingdom. We are unsure why we didn’t check into this in the first place, and we regret the lack of journalistic values when we decided to publish the report. They all look alike in the end, no one can tell the difference.
We still stand behind the publishing of the report for the sake of transparency; however, we realize that we probably should have redacted the elements that were proven to be easily disprovable. A little blurb in the article doesn’t actually fix the incorrect information that was put out there.
After the publication of this report, we have seen that there has been a strong reaction from the Princess Toadstool campaign and to reporting in general. After winning the election that doesn’t actually mean anything, Princess Toadstool held her first press conference in ages. It seems that Princess Toadstool saw our report and had several choice words to say about this organization and the way we decided to report on the information that we came across.
“As far as KekRaptor, which is a failing pile of garbage in my opinion, they are going to suffer the consequences of publishing such a hit piece of trash and unverified and easily proven falsehoods. And as far as MNN going out of their way to build it up, it is unfathomable how people read the garbage that they put out there. My lawyers just provided me information that the supposed agent of mine named Toadette was another Toadette within the Mushroom kingdom. While I understand that they “all look alike,” I find it to be incredibly prejudice against my kingdom that someone would make a mistake such as that. It’s a disgrace what took place, and they should apologize to start with.”
MNN reporter Mallow Nimbus attempted to ask a question of Princess Toadstool, citing that if the Princess was going to attack the organization, that he had the right to counter the argument and ask a question. However, that proved to be fruitless, and Princess Peach told the reporter to be “quiet,” to “not be rude,” and attempted to ask questions of other news organizations in the building. Needless to say that the temper of Princess Toadstool has come into play once again, as the rest of the press conference was a disaster. We’ve been told that not only may KekRaptor be banned from future press conferences, but other entities who reported along the same lines of what we reported may be as well.
The reaction in the community has been mixed, as some say that it brings to light many of the issues of Princess Peach’s regime, while others have questioned our journalistic integrity when publishing a report that has easily disprovable information and was unverifiable. We here at KekRaptor understand that we may have unlocked Pandora’s box in the way that we went about our news coverage, and we will have to live with the consequences of our decision. But hey, that got you to click on this article and read the reports, and it was for the good of public interest, right?