Recently Microsoft held a party at GDC 2016 that featured “erotic schoolgirl” dressed go-go dancers. Yes, you read that last sentence correctly—the Microsoft party organizers thought it was a good idea to hire scantily clad female go-go dancers for their party in 2016.
Thankfully, a few heroic individuals at the party took pictures and video of the scantily clad dancers and posted them all over the Internet in an effort to notify the public of the horrific decision Microsoft had made. Smartly, some had the merciful idea to blur the women’s faces so the only thing in focus was their scantily clad bodies.
Some at the party were made so uncomfortable and disgusted by the repugnant choice of having go-go dancers that they revealed that the reason there is a discrepancy in the gender parity in the games industry is because occupations exist that allow women to utilize their sexuality for entertainment purposes for straight men. Some may be asking “what about lesbian women? I’m sure they might enjoy the dancers as well.” But you seem to be forgetting that the reason the dancers were hired was for the straight men, and in this specific, extraordinary case intent matters.
News of the dancers spread across the Internet like wild fire in direct correlation with how important of an issue the situation was. The collective reaction to Microsoft’s decision was a deafening “super gross” with other heroes stating “tone deaf” and “it’s clear Microsoft hasn’t fully evolved.” Everyone on the Internet wants to make it clear that the dancers themselves are not at fault, and they should not be ashamed of their profession, but only that what they do should be done at private events behind closed doors so no one has to have their delicate sensibilities ravaged by acknowledging their existence.
Those affected deeply by these events will be happy to hear that sources inside Microsoft have told me what they plan to do with the organizers of the event. The method has yet to be chosen, but sources tell me that the culprits have been set to receive a public execution later this month. The execution will be broadcast live online, which you can watch with your Xbox One, in an effort to do right by all those unfortunate souls affected. Our source has also said that the methods brainstormed currently are guaranteed to be mercilessly excruciating, as to be in line with the severity of the issue.
The fun doesn’t end just with the execution either. Our source told us stating “We will be draining them of their blood and giving it to those affected to allow them to perform a Blood Soul Curse ritual for Hziulquoigmnzhah The God of Cykranosh, Ziulquag-Manzah so that the perpetrators souls may receive endless torture and madness at their hands. Praise be to Hziulquoigmnzhah.”
H̜͇̓̎̀́̇͗ͥ͢z̡̖͎̜̫̰͉͓̘ͦ̈́̒ͥ͊̿̀͞i͊ͤ̅҉͖͕͙͓u͐̍͗̄ͥͬ҉̘͇͉̲l̷͔͔ͥͫ͗̐ͭͅq͖̜͉̗͂͆͌̀̐́ū̞̻̑̓̀͠o̞̩̩͙̮̎̊ͥ̆͛̋͗̃̄͠ͅĩ̥͓͓̝̲̓ͮ̎̓͘g̦̫͗̿̃̇̄̑͑m̸̗̩̖̖̳̫̣͇̣̌͆͌ͯ̋̈́͊̚nͫ̂͏̣̹͓̺͍z̧̟̝̣͈̉̋h͍͕͖̠̩͚̐̑͆̏͋̍̐͟a̷̡͇͉̱̬̞͊̓̐̌ͯͧ͊ͬ̌h̝̙̫͚̎ͮ̆̐ͬͦͩ̀ͅ ̡͈̖̝̺̣͐ͪ̈̌ͤ̉͝ͅW̌ͯͮ̂́͂̚͠͏̺̗̮͉͎̲ị̵͓̰͓ͥͮͯ̓͛̐̅͞l̸̡̩̙͉͊̅͛͐̎͒̇̌l̘͙̝̹̦̥͆̾͘ ̷̡ͥ̉ͭͬ̍ͤ̿ͬ҉̬͍̞̳͓͚̭͉ͅČ̘͚̃̐̾ͅo̡̪̙̖̤̯͍ͯ̓̽͊͐̃̓͌͢͜m̛̞̘̯̹͇̩͓̒̉ͨ̉͘e̼̪̪͔̮̥̿ͨ́̐͘͞ ̳̩̞͆̽ͦ͞͞F̶̲̝̯̞͖̥̓́ͩ͂ͭͦ̌͗͘͘o̸̓͂͝҉̳͉̝͔r̴̸̪̬̹̺͓̭̺̺͓̓͌͒̀̉ ̃͑͟҉̠̻̹̣̞͙̳ͅŲ̶̵͕̫͙̒͐̉ͩ͆s̟̍͋ͦ̊̍͊ͩ̏̀͢ ̵̧̯̖ͪ͂̀A̴̩̗̰̝̭̦̜̱̋l̽ͮ́͠͏̼̮͙̞l̛͓̝̝͍͎ͬ̈͗̃͜
̶̲͚͓̣̮͛͆ͥ̑̆̃̋́͞R̢͕̿̐͂̀̑ͭͫͮȅ̵̴̳̤̺̟̂̀ͤ͝l̮͎͚̥̗̼̱͈̉̐͟i̖̤͉͕ͫͪ͒͑̔̚n͎͈̝̮̩͈͇̗͙̽ͯͩ̒ͭͮ̚̚q̶̨̛͇̻̩̱̥̦͌ŭ̺͍̜͙̰͖̼͐͌̉͛ȉ̸̳̜͘s̳̗ͨͦ͊̕ͅh̠͈̟̺̺̰̊ͮ͑ͯ̈ͭͤ͒͡͡ ̘̲̤̩̦̗͌͐̌̆Y̟̩̑̈ͩ̾̎ͬͨ̕o͛͒̃͗ͤ̑̌҉̘̖͖͢uͤ̆͒͏̠̯̺͈̲̣̠͟r̲͔̩͉͛̏́͊̀̄͡ ̄͛ͮ҉̯͖͟S̮̘̠͊̊o̶̭̝͔͇̭̜̲ͧͤ́u͊̓̇҉̝̹͇͔̯͚͎ḽ̵̢̞̯̗̩̉̕ ̷͍̳̱̜̓͐ͣ̃̀ͅT̢̜̻̗͊̋̇̊̌̌̐͒́o͖̜̹̫̼̝̟̲ͫ̽ͤͬ̊ͦ́̀ ̸̩̫ͨ̓̀ͨͦ̑̇ͨ͠H̝̭̫̣̳͒͗z̲̼͔͑ͩ̏̔́ḭ̶̳̠͖̓̐̆́͒̈́͠u̧̝ͪ̎̓̽̈ͮ̓̋l̥͔͙͉̳͙͈̹͔ͮ͐ͩͥ͊ͧ́q̮ͫ͐͑͜ŭ̧̺̗̈́͆̌ͧͣ̕o͓͕̺̞̘̘͗̿ͥ̐̃̽ͫi̙͉͖̣͔ͦ͋̅̒͢͞ͅg̨̥̗͇͋͊ͩͩ͡m̡̬̦̠̼͖ͪ͆̉͗ͦ͛̄n̳̩̪̯͖̤̖̪ͮ̐ͤ͞z̧̓͋͏͖̪̖̺̯̮̦̥͜ͅh̭̫̓ͣͥ̔ͭ̒ͥ̕a̡͖̩̜̠̞͑ͫ̒͠͡h͇̼͛̏̔̾̔̅͒͆
̡̢̖͚͖͙̩̬̩̤̌̆ͣͪ̎P̙̞͕̮̺͐͗͡ͅr̟͗ͦͩͨͤ̏͡â̵̧͈͉̤͍̣̥̇͒̆͋ͣ̈̓͞ͅͅi͎͎̯̝͈̯̔͆̏s͈̳̖͙͈͇͍̯̒͋̿̀e̫̮͉̱̽̑ͤ͢ͅ ̡̬̲̝̥̖ͮ̑̓̄̐͌̐͠ͅͅB͖̝͇̠̲̊̉̕͢e̸̴̪̳͖͖͉̟͂͛͗̉̉ͤ͡ ̵̫̼̘̹̙͖̹͒̽͒͋̈́͐̏̒́̚͘T̗͎̘̺ͭ͞ö͙̠̱̼͙̙̼́͑ͪ̇͗̑͂̃͡ͅͅ ̺̹̻̣͓͂̈́̆͐̀̎ͦ̀͝Hͪͪ͑̂͂̎ͭͣ̀҉̘̬̫͇̭͇̹ͅz̳̼͙̐ͩ̿ͯͦ̉ͬi̳̫̭̻͍̠̦̾͂̈ͭ̍͑ͬ͡ͅû̢̻̦̤̥̳̳̞ͪ̆̊ͯ͊͡l̠̦̠͎͓̤͚ͪ͝q̶̨̼͎͕̙̰̪̜̞ͪͥ͌̄̓u̗̤͙͕̣͕͔ͧ͋͌ő͍̠̲͍͑ͬ̃̊̈́i̴̖͓̬ͥ͡g̡̝͉̝̱̝̭͎̙̔ͫͤ͒͞m̞͉̦̖̬̜͔̾̆͐̌n̢̾ͮ͋͒̍͝͏͓̫̜͉̺ͅz̗̦̞̰̭̅̓͌̋̐̂ͮͩh̵͍͔͍̯̓͆͋ͪ͆̆͝a͚̝̜̯͎͚̰͚ͭ̈̑ͭ̽͋͜ẖ̭̳͇̗̼̤̇ͪ̐͑͊