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Recently the development team behind instant classic and mechanical marvel Everyone Goes To The Rapture, The Chinese Room, directed a firm criticism at CD Projekt Red, regarding their depiction of women in games. The Tweet offered a highly nuanced and respectful critique, clearly rooted in maturity and respect.

The tweet, made as a response to a behind-the-scenes photo of the development of Cyberpunk 2077, clearly references CDPR’s Witcher 3:Wild Hunt, a lesser known title from last year. Witcher 3 received perfectly valid criticisms from Polygon for its sexist depiction of powerful, capable, and critically important female characters with cleavage. The unrealistic portrayals include a female mage leading a resistance against religious zealouts and a corrupt king, the daughter of an island leader using her wits to cure a noble’s curse, and a uniquely powerful young woman who rescues the game world from utter destruction. The Chinese Room clearly recognized these shallow characters as misogynistic, resulting in an employee from CDPR blatantly harassing The Chinese Room on NeoGAF by defending their company. 

cdpr employee responds to chinese room

The devious villain.

This is not the first time The Chinese Room has tackled such nail-biting issues. Creative director Dan Pinchbeck has also rightfully compared depictions of female sexuality in Metal Gear Solid V, notably the protagonist Quiet who is purely a set of boobs and not an experienced sniper with a complex backstory. Pinchbeck compares the depiction of Quiet as comparable to early 20th century racism. This stunning comparison draws to light the utter depravity women must put up with, clearly similar to the age of segregation. 

chinese room dan pinchek mgsv

What a brave hero.

With those criticisms in mind, here is a model on how to make inoffensive characters based on the model presented by The Chinese Room. Clearly these paragons of virtue and feminism have demonstrated the greatest way to portray women, which all studios should emulate.

1: Remove any sense of agency from your female characters.

The Chinese Room specializes in “walking simulators,” a derogatory term applied by those who senselessly believe video games should be fun. One of the facets of their walking simulators is you never see your player character. While the silent first-person protagonist is nothing new, The Chinese Room revolutionized it by giving the player few people or creatures to interact with their character, and giving them an almost completely linear path with little choice to be made. This is good, because as we know, women don’t like making decisions or doing anything challenging. It is far better to simply ensure everything is laid out for them. Since the industry demands at least some interactability in their games, you might offer superficial choices that don’t actually impact the story by letting the player decide what order to go in. 

Obviously, if your character can actually experience physical harm (Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs), make sure you never include women at all. Implying women may receive injury might cause undue trauma, and considering women are extraordinarily sensitive, we would never want such a fate to befall them.

2: Avoid sexualization by rarely showing physical women at all.

The absolute worst crime anyone can ever commit is portraying a female character with breasts. As we all know, breasts are an unholy abomination installed on women in the 19th century by misogynists in order to further objectify women. No woman anywhere likes her breasts or the breasts of other women, and certainly doesn’t like showing them off, therefore putting breasts on your female character caters exclusively to heterosexual men. To ensure you don’t commit this crime, it’s best to just never have women appear physically in your game. If you have to have women appear, make sure you lock them in a room alone for the majority of the game (Everyone Goes to Rapture).

3: If you have women in your game, they must be married to someone.

As we all know, the pinnacle of female achievement is getting married, which is why The Chinese Room has intelligently ensured that the only women in their games are always clearly associated with their husband (Everyone Goes to RaptureDear Esther). This is obviously inspired by Pincheck’s own tendencies to steal credit from his wife and assign it to other people. Remember: a woman independent might accidentally make decisions that result in her being sexualized, as women are all brainwashed by the patriarchy. 

4: Remember: women should be judged solely by their appearance.

The Chinese Room brings up an excellent point that we must always remember. When judging a female character (and thus women in general) you must ignore her abilities, backstory, accomplishments, and personality, and focus solely on how sexy she appears. After all, women are all about appearance and no matter how her actual character is portrayed, in the end she should be interpreted solely based on how many times she takes her shirt off. After all, Yennefer may be one of the most powerful mages in the Witcher universe, Triss may be a brave fighter leading her allies out of sure death, Cerys may openly defy conservative traditions and become the first queen of her people, and Ciri may openly comment on and work to stop injustice and unfairness … but see they all wear semi-revealing outfits (except Cerys—forget I mentioned her). And as we all know, the final step towards achieving equality is purely considering how sexy a woman is and how she absolutely shouldn’t be. 

Hopefully future developers will use this guide to ensure all female characters, even if shallow and lacking in identity, don’t go acting in a sexual manner that could only possibly appeal to men (because they’re married and it would be unfair to their husbands). However, while The Chinese Room has clearly mastered the portrayal of women, they have a long way to go to properly account for cultural sensitivity, as clearly their company name “The Chinese Room” is a heinous appropriation of culture. Certainly they will hear this critique and promptly agree to their crime, and perhaps donate some money to our Patreon as penance. Clearly CD Projekt Red will pay the same amount of respect to a development team that is clearly their equal, and not attempting to pick a fight for attention.

Kindra Pring

Staff Writer

Teacher's aid by day. Gamer by night. And by day, because I play my DS on my lunch break. Ask me about how bad my aim is.

  • Dr Dub

    Everybody’s Gone to the Rapture easily ranked in my top 3 games of 2015. In fact I’m thinking of buying it on PC for a second play through. I have nothing but praise for it.

    Ironically I credit them with creating the most evil, loathsome, sub human, vile, beyond all redemption antagonist in this history of gaming.

    And that person was a black woman in STEM – Kate Collins.

    I mean her actions resulted in the death of all life on earth. Something many evil master minds and aliens have attempted over the years but few have actually succeeded in achieving.

    Also for bonus points in being an odious piece of fecal matter, she also subjected children to horrendous pain and suffering. Agonising headaches and bleeding out the nose and ears. Not only that but they have to watch their parents dying from the same symptoms.

    Yet at the end she shows absolutely no empathy and actually believes it was a good thing!

    Great role model!!!!!

    I have no time for all this SJW garbage, but if I was suffering from the same mental illness as them and thought that representations mattered, I’d take the woman with large breasts in a sexy outfit over Chinese Rooms vision!

  • Michael P

    lol You almost fucking had me! I should’ve known when you referred to Rapture as an instant classic but I assumed you were another indie loving hipster.

    I still find it hilarious when SJW’s hate on CD Projekt, they argue from completely ignorant viewpoints proving they haven’t even played the games.

    No Blacks? Yeah it’s based on Polish fantasy, why would it adhere to American racial demographics?

    The women are sexualised and are nothing but titillation because muhsoggyknee. Women are sexual beings *GASP* and the women in TW3 are anything but damsels. They’re just as strong as Geralt, each in their own ways. This is fact.

    Play the games you uptight losers, you might actually remember what it is to have “fun”.

  • “Kekraptor:” in the front = our satire articles. And yeah, Kindra did an excellent job. I had to stifle laughter as I read it to keep from waking up anyone. 😡

  • Rurik

    I actual quite enjoyed the visuals of The Chinese Room games(other then the last one with that walking speed, which I think was purposely done to stop people from finishing and refunding) I will never touch another one of there games after they tried to do this petty garbage for hipster/SJW cred.


    Leave it to SJWs to use virtue signalling to shit on other people’s games and boost their own image.

  • Michael P

    Kekraptor indeed and satire at it’s best as it almost fooled me. I’ll pay more attention from now on XD

  • I’m getting tired, real tired. of seeing “Female Sexist Portrayal” claims. i swear every week or so someone claims some Female is Portrayed wrong for some reason or another. But, on the male characters spectrum of things, nothing. Not one word. You can Portray the male character however you want and you’ll never get a “Male Sexist Portrayal” claim from anyone.

  • Toastrider

    I admit, I did do a double take before I remembered ‘Oh wait, Kekraptor.’

  • BuzzardZ

    Total Savage

  • Ricardo Lima

    11/10 well done.

  • Jake Martinez

    Kindra, you 180 no-scoped my sarcasm meter clean off.

  • Jake Martinez

    >The women are sexualised and are nothing but titillation because muhsoggyknee. Women are sexual beings *GASP* and the women in TW3 are anything but damsels.

    Dude, the amount of “Shirtless Geralt” on the internet probably approached “peak-abs” months ago. Any criticism of the female character designs for TW3 has to apply such a double standard it’s #@@#$ laughable.

  • SomeCollegeStudent

    It’s funny, I think some people screaming “sexism” at the portrayal of female characters are actually sexist themselves. In that they think there are some ways women can be portrayed and some ways they cannot be portrayed. I.e. They think women can be “this” but cannot be “that”.

  • Hudson


  • Souvik Roy Choudhury

    Also, isn’t Ciri supposed to be very, very powerful? As in surpassing any one in the game?

  • Nitesco

    It’s true. It’s also very hypocritical, considering those are the same sort of people that would preach about “not judging others by appearances”, yet this is exactly what they do, frequently. It is amazingly ass-backwards. Guess it’s all good when it’s just fictional characters.

    Except in this case, the woman in that photo isn’t fictional at all! I don’t think it’s been highlighted enough that she’s an actual woman that was scanned into the Cyberpunk 2077 Teaser Trailer, who clearly took no issue with modeling for it.

    With that in mind, that tweet is super dumb, which is just a cherry on top of the other dirt on them being brought to light again. Any shit-talk coming The Chinese Room’s way is totally deserved.

  • RKade8583

    That’s some Dennis Miller-caliber snark you’ve got going there.

  • Strazdas

    Pretty much every time i saw somone scream sexism online it, as a rule, always seem to be projection.

  • metroid_fetish

    All female characters should allow their success and ideas be taken by their fictional husbands.

  • KindraPring

    Indeed! Ciri is a child of the Elder Blood, and has the power to warp time and space, and pushes back the Wild Hunt basically on her own and (spoilers) stops the White Frost from destroying the world. She’s more powerful than a Witcher even without having to go through the mutations Witchers do.

  • KefkaFollower

    She is literally the chosen one in this universe.

    This IP is one of few stories in fantasy where the protagonist (Geralt) is not the one who has the fate of world in his hands.

  • d0x360

    I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face the day I bought rapture…what a waste of god damn money that was. Aside from the mind numbing pace the character walks at the story is so God damn uninteresting it made me shut off my ps4 and I haven’t turned it on since. That’s a fact BTW

  • Arbitrary

    Surely I can’t be the only one who genuinely finds the “Witcher”-series’ portrayal of female characters to be just as fucking preachy as that of the SJWs?

    Also – Kindra Pring comes off as so fucking obnoxious.

  • Arbitrary

    “They’re just as strong as Geralt, each in their own ways. This is fact.”

    Because the developers of the Witcher 3 has apparently never heard of human sexual dimorphism.

    Seriously – CD Project Red are every bit as preachy as the SJWs themselves when it comes to women. They’re practically fucking Feminist. Why are we consistently giving these fucks a free pass, all the damned time?

  • Kev Lew

    perfect 🙂

  • Arbitrary

    “ndeed! Ciri is a child of the Elder Blood, and has the power to warp time and space, and pushes back the Wild Hunt basically on her own and (spoilers) stops the White Frost from destroying the world. She’s more powerful than a Witcher even without having to go through the mutations Witchers do.”

    Holy shit; that’s fucking obnoxious.

    I will never understand why the SJWs keep attacking CD Project Red, of all fucking people. They unironically jerk women off so much they’re practically SJWs, themselves. I cannot fucking stand them.

  • Arbitrary

    Nope. Just extremely ham-fisted.

  • KindraPring

    Well I must’ve missed the part in my human biology class that said men are biologically better at fucking magic. Must’ve slept through that part. No you’re right, obviously men are more attuned to havin goddamn superpowers and shooting fire out of their hands.

  • RKade8583

    Sometimes salacious satire should be said as silly, salty and sarcastic as possible. Heavy hands hit higher amounts of people harder than subliminal subtleties.

    Sorry. Your response bored me. Alliteration is an enjoyable game I play to keep interested.

  • Yeah, it took me a while to realise that was sarcasm…

  • thyri Carver

    10/10 would kek again. But in the case of “some SJWs who may or may not have multiple kickstarter campaigns that they never delivered on” they might consider this lack of powerful female characters to be offensive. In the future, we should only allow women in video games to appear in burkas, sheets, or other figure concealing garments. Lawds knows we cant have offensive hip sway!

  • … Marry me?

    Always find it funny when an “anti-SJW” is as unreasonable and hateful as an SJW.

    I like women, I like cool characters, I like powerful characters in my fantasy media. Combine all those? I’m pretty happy.

    “powerful women” are hardly the preserve of feminism, considering the cultural memes of powerful women are universal. Last I checked there were feminine Deities as far back as the earliest recorded religions. Doubt they were big on feminism, but they sure did believe women could kick some ass as Gods… ><

  • Yosharian

    Top Kek

  • Dindu Nuffin

    Keep it up. Kek level ultra.

  • Dindu Nuffin

    I can’t speak for everyone but I’d fucking HATE to be a young woman these days. You just can’t win.

    You either lose yourself to the sjw borg collective or you get called a gender traitor just for having a differing opinion.

    Then there’s the whole “white knighting” pussy hunters to deal with as well. Never has anything made me more sick than people pretending to help because they’re only after something in return.

  • Glad we got that sorted. A woman’s arms are so weighed down with bangles & bracelets that they cannot perform the necessary hand gestures, and their brains are so full of makeup tutorials that they have difficulty recalling the magic words. I know women are awful at magic because every woman in my life constantly wishes I would disappear, and I’m still here.

  • defektiv


  • jlenoconel

    Was about to go in on this article until I realized it was a joke. The crazy thing is, point 2 is in danger of really happening because if gamers stop buying games with female leads over a lot of this feminism nonsense, then devs will obviously stop making games where the main character is female. Why is it such a bad thing that sex sells anyway? I’m a gay gamer and think its fun to play as someone attractive, be it male or female. Really strange world we live in now with all the political correctness.

  • jlenoconel


  • Zandohaha

    Also from being little girls they were probably discouraged from practicing magic because we wouldn’t want them accidentally setting their hair on fire now would we? Magic clearly isn’t for girls.

  • Zandohaha

    Reminds me of Final Fantasy 7, again there (spoilers) Aeries is the descendant of an ancient race of powerful beings, she literally sacrifices herself in order to save the world. SJW’s call her a “girl in a refridgerator”, so far off the mark it would be funny if it wasn’t so sad.

  • Travis

    This is Colbert level satire. I love it.

  • KefkaFollower

    I just had google it. The “girl in a refrigerator” was new to me.

  • Zandohaha

    These are the same people that bang on about women being able to do what they want, wear what they want, act how they want etc.

    This magically goes out the window when it involves a completely fictitious video game character though, because apparently THEN, once the women stop being actual human beings, they turn into a mass threat to society, capable of corruption of our male youth. SJWs know this because……….reasons apparently.

  • Ja’ Jarsha Rovandi

    Nice article, but misguided,

    The Chinese Room, they don’t actually understand things, they just apply rules of grammar and such to inputs to create outputs that look like they were written by a self aware entity. So they can’t really learn anything from any words you type, even when put together as well as these ones are.

  • Ben Kuyt

    Indies hate CD Projekt, and their subsidiary Red, because unlike most indies, they are successful. They started their own company in their own country, blossomed to become an online marketer, media developer, and national icon, unlike 99% of indie devs from the US.

  • KindraPring

    Of course. My intention here was not to persuade, but more to demonstrate the silliness of it. It won’t change any minds, but perhaps somewhere, even a single person who originally agreed with them is now having second thoughts.

    And if not, well it was fun to write and that’s the most important part.

  • panda

    kekraptor was the best idea this site has had. it’s consistently entertaining.

  • How novel! A company that literally made a walking simulator set during the rapture to avoid having to model, texture, rig, and animate characters on screen is criticizing other companies for how they represent their characters.

  • I think I know the definition to “Guy in a refrigerator” is.

  • John

    Fucking had me giggling like a little girl. One of the, if not the best post I’ve ever read on this site, bravo.

  • webkilla

    oh but you forgot to blast CDprojectRed not having any black or minority people in the Witcher 3 either – don’t you remember all the the shit that the SJW gaming journos threw at the game for not living up to their painfully american representation-schemes?

  • webkilla

    but… this doesn’t read as satire – this reads as a kotaku article.

  • SevTheBear

    This made me smile. Thanks 🙂

  • lucben999

    “You can Portray the male character however you want and you’ll never get a “Male Sexist Portrayal” claim from anyone.”

    I prefer it that way, I just wish it’d be the same for female characters.

  • Hopefully Common Sense

    I thought the Chinese Room was just a terrible studio filled with talentless idiots, but now i see that they’re also snarky, toxic and frankly kinda sad individuals.
    Especially Dan Pincheck.

  • Duce Ralli

    read some comments above. this is satire.


    I’m aware that the Kekraptor article is satire. I was referring to The Chinese Room, whom the article was satirizing. TCR recently virtue signalled by claiming that Projeckt Red’s upcoming game Cyberpunk 2077 was “sexist”.

  • Souvik Roy Choudhury

    Also, point 4

    Remember: women should be judged solely by their appearance.

    For supposedly ‘progressive’ people who like to throw the words misogyny and sexist around..they sure have a hard time separating a character’s appearance from their personality. It’s quite insulting to the creators of said characters when all the work they put in gets reduced to solely what the character’s wearing and/or whether she conforms to their approved clothing.

  • Reptile

    After all these years laughing at SJWs I think I understood their real motives, specially modern “feminists”.
    *TL;DR: SJW envy characters that are secure of themselves, because they are losers.
    They simply cannot stand a Woman that is happy about herself. There was 2
    cases in my country withing a time span of 1 or 2 weeks, First one: A
    magazine published an article about the Vice-President wife and how she
    liked to be a conservative housewife, there was a blast of negativity
    and that she was wrong about -wanting- to be a housewife, so they said
    she wasn’t a real woman, And then 2 weeks later a politician’s wife,
    (that is a model), appeared in some photos with more “liberal” clothes
    and in sexy poses, somewhat the opposite spectre of the first case, she
    also wasn’t a “real woman”.
    Then the coin dropped to me, people aren’t mad about the choices woman make, they are mad because the said woman are happy with the choices they made, to them to be a real woman you must suffer. That is why only female characters that suffer and are insecure of themselves are praised by media, the SJWs don’t want woman to be strong and independent, they want them to be weak and emotionally dependent like they are.

  • Duce Ralli

    Ah oops, misread. but cyberpunk 2077 eh? I am a bit of a sci-fi fan…

  • Zandohaha

    Similar really to how male SJWs will get behind this whole idea of “toxic masculinity”, it’s because they are threatened by normal male behaviour, they can’t compete, picked last at sports etc etc. It would serve them better if male competitiveness and banter ceased to exist, because it largely scares them, and makes them feel weak and insignificant.