Over the course of the past decade or so, the Call of Duty franchise has more or less become a staple of gaming. Love it or hate it, you can’t deny that it is impressive how they just keep pumping out titles, and despite how much people complain about it, people keep buying and playing the games. The latest installment to the series, Infinite Warfare, promises to take you to space, but if things like YouTube comments and Reddit posts are to be believed, people are not happy about how relatively stale the series has become, not to mention the fact that the remastered version of Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare can only be obtained by buying the $80 version of Infinite Warfare.

Fortunately, those of you who want to buy Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare Remastered have some good news: Activision and Infinity Ward stated that you can buy it by itself without having to buy some special version of Infinite Warfare. “You spoke, and we listened,” said an anonymous Activision PR person. “For a limited time only, we will let you buy Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare Remastered as a standalone purchase.” On top of that, as a sign of appreciation to loyal fans of the series, Infinite Warfare will be included as part of a bundle for everyone who buys Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare Remastered. 

Get ready for an influx of death-quote screenshots that will make your Facebook feed jealous

Get ready for an influx of inspirational quotes that will make your Facebook feed seem lonely by comparison

“We listened to your complaints about the general direction of the series, and we are taking your criticisms to heart,” said an Infinity Ward intern. “You don’t like how bland and uninspired the franchise is even though we are bringing you to space? Then we are going to sell you the thing that you are all apparently asking for: literally the same exact game we sold you a decade ago rather than something that at least attempts to be new.” 

Of course, this doesn’t mean that Infinity Ward is losing faith in their newest project. On the contrary, morale over the impending launch of Infinite Warfare has never been higher. “They may call us crazy for wanting to sell an old product that is a direct competitor to our new product, but the more I think about it, the more genius it is,” said an Infinity Ward janitor. “If they’re going to hate us for rehashing things anyways, I say we might as well just cash in on their nostalgia and release an infinite amount of sequels of the same exact game but with a new coat of paint every time. Not like they can hate us any more than they do now, so let them beat that horse dead and ask for the same exact horse when we offer them a new one.”

Remember the borderline OP M16 and the grenade launcher that popularized the term “noob tube”? Well, they’re coming back, as per popular request

Unfortunately, there is a slight caveat to this otherwise amazing sounding deal: every copy of Modern Warfare Remastered will cost at least $80. Oddly enough though, it appears as though this high price tag is irrelevant to most potential buyers. “Finally, they are actually listening to their community for once,” said Someone-who-only-reads-article-titles in a YouTube comment. “We did it! We actually made a company cater to our whims thanks to our constant complaining and free publicity on social media,” said An-incredibly-naive-person on Reddit. “Petitions are the greatest, as are rose colored glasses and local split screen that realistically only caters to a relatively small portion of the audience!”

When asked for a comment, the Activision CEO merely rubbed his hands together with glee and started throwing money around yelling, “I’ve found the secret to franchise immortality!” 

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Anson Chan

Staff Writer

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